“Become Germ Detective and Study Toilet Seats!”

                                         By John Lundgren

Have you ever wished that you had a doctorate in microbiology so you could become a germologist that studies toilet seats?  Now, here is a profession that the feint of heart may do well to avoid.  Are they really called germologist?  Actually, if they are, it’s only a coincidence because I made the word up!

                             Toilet Seat, King of Germs or Not?

It seems that the proverbial toilet seat is the ground zero of germs in which everything else is compared.  Everyday headlines proclaim, a blank (you fill in the word,) has more germs than a toilet seat!  It’s enough to make you wonder about the people who spend so much time lingering around toilet seats.   Armed with a swab and a Petri dish, these people go where no one has gone before.  (Actually, that analogy has serious problems.)

Let’s try this one.  “These audacious germ hunters let no toilet seat escape them in their quest to learn where germs lurk.”  You have to give these guys and gals lots of credit.  They seem obsessed with toilet seats, and take their work very seriously.  Can you see a group of these people taking a lunch break in a café?  The conversation, of course, revolves around work.

                        Microbiologist At Lunch Break

    “Yup, I did 12 toilet seats this morning.”

    “Yeah, well, I’m out of Petri dishes.”

    “Highway 1 rest stop is a real germ ambush!

    “Got any extra rubber gloves?”

Then it happened.  A curious germologist somewhere ran amuck with his little swab and Petri dish.  He started attacking public phones, table tops, cell phones, computer keyboards, and other objects that we touch everyday.  Horror of horrors, many of these objects had more germs than a …, yup, you guessed it, than a toilet seat!

Suddenly my frightened mind saw toilet seats everywhere.  I saw a person making a phone call holding a toilet seat tightly to his ear.  I saw a table top shaped like a toilet seat, a computer key board shaped like a toilet seat, and oh, my gosh, my television set…

                 My Warped Mind is Infected!

In my mind, I can see people carrying signs proclaiming, “The end is near. More germs than a toilet seat!”  I guess the news isn’t all bad.  If people are listening they would be more inclined to wash their hands!

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John Lundgren fought the good fight with germs for over 20 years as he tried to evade the germs his 7^th graders were so willing to share.  In spite of poking fun at them, he has a deep respect for microbiologist and the work that they do.  His site at www.1^st-in-handwashing.com gives good advice on how to avoid germs to keep healthy.

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